Harmony. In recent years my thoughts have switched from having peace in my soul to something else…. balance, which basically means never remaining perfectly balanced. Balance is a shifting, moving thing. Think of walking on a balance beam, there is a lot of movement to staying up on that beam. While on an early morning walk another word came into my brain and that word was harmony. Music has become a bigger part of my life in the past almost three years, mainly because of the man who brings music to my life through his love of music.
Lately I have been feeling out of balance, this yearning for a different life, this nagging thing inside of me that says there is so much more to life than what I currently live. In this place I am in there is a pulling apart of my long held thoughts and beliefs about what is important. There are days it is a soft tug and there are times it is more akin to ripping into my soul and my thoughts. Uncomfortable and sometimes painful. A re-calibration of my thoughts and the responses I have learned over the years. These aren’t things we talk about often in society, the unlearning of what we have known to find the balance, the harmony within.
In this process I am redefining what success is, from what I thought it was to what I believe it is for me. Realizing that I have had the good job with the equally good title, but that doesn’t really mean success if I feel like I can’t be myself. Beginning to grasp that success for me at least may be a simple and fun job that allows for a life that contains more time with those I love and more time in the outdoors. Figuring out how to get to that life, to that harmony with an understanding that it will mean some life changes.
Harmony, like balance is something that takes work and time. It isn’t a simple snap of the fingers and you have it. In my life currently it means having times that I feel completely disconnected and isolated, it means being patient while also having to push myself to set goals to get to that place where my soul no longer feels fragmented.
While in this place of figuring it out I am fitful and impatient. I keep thinking I should have this all figured out by now. Maybe part of this is learning to accept that I will never have it all figured out and the joy of living sometimes is more about learning as we live and breaking the barriers our brain sets. We are a work of art that is constantly in progress. There is something beautiful about that!
Harmony. I am still learning to create it. If you are struggling with this as well, I hope this helps you realize you are not the only one.