Not too long ago I went and had a little adventure. Not the get out and go hiking adventure. Just me, book in hand, exploring a local area. Checking out a place that fascinates me and then sitting back to read and think.
Somehow in recent months I’ve been locked up in my own little prison. Feeling like I haven’t found my purpose and letting that begin a spiral of not good enough.
This mindset is so contrary to who I know I am deep down. To the girl who has braved some hell in life and came out stronger for it. Who has taken random last minute trips just to explore because the world was beckoning.
There’s this emphasis the world has been putting on finding your purpose and your passion so that you can follow it. It’s a great idea. It’s also tough because you have to delve into yourself to figure it out. Note: I’m still figuring it out. However as I wandered around and thought about life, I was reminded that I set an intention quite some time ago to help others see their own beauty even when they couldn’t see it (that soul beauty, that unique that we should all embrace about ourselves), to see the beauty of the world that is always around, and to inspire others to find their strength. Then I realized I have lost some of this in myself. The world gets dark, work bogs down, and the hamster wheel of life looms large… And somewhere in this mess I lost some of my light. I felt like I wasn’t doing these things, wasn’t inspiring, and that the very things I once loved about myself were things that were no longer valuable.
Somewhere in this time wandering I found it. That determination to do what I can to create a better world, even if it’s tiny. To believe I have the ability to impact not only myself, but others to love themselves a little more. I was so busy worrying that I wasn’t enough that I forgot I am more than enough. That my strength is the light and hope and tender heart that I carry. That my purpose and passion may not carry into a career, but that they don’t need to.
I began this blog as a way to share light and hope with the world after having FB friends tell me that my thoughts on FB helped inspire them. Writing, putting thoughts into words… It’s a passion. A fickle one that fights me and I get frustrated with it. Turns out most people deal with this with their passions. The ebb and flow of life and energy. Like the seasons of the Earth, so move the seasons of our souls. I’m going to keep following the writing passion though. There is more to learn as I strive to improve. I’ve got book ideas rambling in my brain and it’s time to let them be free to create!
I believe I’ll struggle with this “enough” thing off and on for life. Studies show that most people do in some way. However, I also know that each time I will find my way out of the bog of “not enough” and back into that light. It may be hard, but I’ll keep sharing this journey and adventure with those of you who find inspiration in it.
Thank you to everyone who has been reading my posts as I’ve been lost in this struggle. I can’t promise there won’t be more in the future, but for now I’m relishing being back in the light.
Most of all, thank you to the guy who has tried to remind of my need for positive focus even as I’ve struggled to find it. To my mom who never stops loving me. To a few awesome friends who send caring messages or even snail mail. I don’t know what I’d do without that love in my life.
When you feel like you aren’t enough, take a look inside and ask yourself why. The only one you need to be enough for is you. Nobody else has to live inside your mind. It’s just you in there and when we get stuck in “not enough” we create our own prison. Break free. The ones who love us will love us in our dark and light. The ones who don’t will wander off and to be honest that is okay. The only ones who matter are the ones who care for us in every season. Let that start with caring for yourself.
Much love, light, and hope.