Brain Tangles

For some time now I have felt a bit stuck in some ways. Words not flowing easily, art being more of a challenge to create, feeling on the verge of a new phase in life while knowing timing is important. Did I mention that feeling like this is a big challenge and requires stretching out of my impatience and into patience? Do you know that feeling?

When I get like this it is way too easy to let the overwhelmed feeling takeover. It is basically like being this little human trying to fight a large, fire-breathing dragon. The dragon moves freaking fast and the claws and flames and teeth are scary. Being overwhelmed doesn’t bode well for the battle that is in progress. When this battle starts there are things I do to make the dragon go away or sometimes just tame the dragon. I walk, I write (even when it sucks and comes out in spurts), I listen to podcasts that inspire me. I try to focus on the gratitude, on every little good thing I can think of.

Podcasts. These things are amazing! Technology has issues, but it also is valuable. We have unlimited, easy access to knowledge and creative thoughts.

In a podcast I was listening to there was quite a bit of conversation about how sometimes life sucks and sometimes it is great and sometimes it just is. You can’t really avoid the crap, it is inevitable. You can choose your response. You can battle the dragon or you can run from it. The big point I took away from this particular conversation was that you really need to be a mix of warrior and sweetness.

Being a warrior and being sweet. This is hard to balance. It is much easier to sway in one direction or the other. When do we put on our armor and when do we lay down our sword and open our heart? I wish I had an answer for that, but if I have learned anything in life it is that when you think you have answers life happens and your thoughts change then your answers may change. As “they say”, the only constant in life is change.

There are times I resist change, but I know it is needed. There are times I think about something someone has said that is so different from what they may have said months ago and I might start to judge or get confused by the differences. These are times that I have to remind myself of how as I learn more my thoughts shift and it may be confusing to anyone not in my brain seeing my thought process. Podcasts are a big part of my ever evolving view on many aspects of life. While I may resist some change it is also the change that excites me! Learning and growth.

Back to taming the dragon. Usually we need that dragon to help us learn. I don’t want to slay that dragon. I want to tame it, to get it to work with me. Initial instinct is often to silence or slay the “dragons” we fight in our mind. We can’t learn from them if we just make them be quiet. They exist for a reason.

Many people try to hide the mix that is them. We all carry shadows and light within us. To hide it means to hide part of ourselves. Usually they are the parts that we are taught to silence as we grow up. One of the dragons I am battling and attempting to train is to let all those facets experience freedom. Because they are all me. This is part of where I know that I get stuck in life. This is part of why I spend so much time alone. This is when I am free to dance between the shadows and the light with no judgement from the outside world.

I believe we all want to find our purpose in the world and I feel that part of mine is to learn to let that mix find freedom and in the process show others that it is possible.

This journey of life isn’t the easiest, but damn is it pretty cool when we step back from the middle of it and look at it from the mountain top.

This post may be a bit tangled and twisted, but that is where my brain is lately. Thank you for sharing this flow of thoughts with me as it twists and turns on the path I am walking.

Much love.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s