The Invisible Weight

Most of us carry some type of invisible weight around. It can be financial worries, job stress, family/friendship/relationship thoughts, or any other thing that we worry about. There are times we don’t even know where the weight comes from, we just know we feel it.

Things from our past can be hidden under the piles of life that weigh us down. These things are tricky, they’re good at burying themselves so we don’t really notice them. It’s almost as if they have an invisibility spell that is damn near impossible to break.

As I’ve been chipping away at some of the weight I carry I am seeing some of the invisible pieces there. The memories that have lingered, hard to see, but definitely not silent. The things that have happened in my life that make it hard to trust, the memories that would happily zap the joy of the present and the beckoning sunshine of the future. Not out of malicious intent. More out of precaution. 

Here is that thing about the invisible pieces that sit there. The memories (good and bad) that often hold us back and bind us… We need them, we never need to forget what/who has made us who we are and brought us to now. This is something I’ve learned over time. Every bit of life up to now brought me to now. Some memories are bright and bold and full of love, laughter, and living! Some are wrapped in tears, sadness, and regret. Some are just average days, the times moving from day to day on this big ball. While all of this is what makes us who we are, we don’t need to carry it all on our shoulders. Because if we let those pieces of our past wrap too tightly around us it makes it so much harder to fully appreciate your present and create a good future. For me, even though I didn’t want to let that happen I was. It’s been a battle to break free of that hold. To acknowledge that the only thing truly holding me back in life has been me. Our past is powerful like that, after all it is what we have lived with. Instead of carrying the fear that letting someone close will lead to more hurt I choose to embrace the fact that letting someone close could be more beautiful and fulfilling than anything I can in imagine. Instead of listening to the voice that says I can’t move and change my life, I’m stepping out of my comfort zone to prove to myself and that little voice that I’m capable. Instead of worrying about what might or might not happen and trying to control it to avoid possible hurt I am looking at myself and remembering that we have so little control over life and that my focus should be on living it fully in the now. Because no matter what life brings, the now is where I am , it is the most important scene in the book that is my life.

Growing like a tree, my roots breaking out of the seed that has been planted, spreading into the ground around me, limbs reaching through the earth toward the sun. Drinking in the rain, finding nourishment in the soil. 

I use the tree metaphor because it’s been said that growth is painful. Trees and plants break out of seeds to grow. Bursting through the dirt, fighting to survive amongst the other plants around them. We see their beauty as they grow, but rarely think about the work it takes. The strength and tenacity of the roots and limbs. Maybe some of their beauty lies in their struggle.

As we grow as people and encounter struggles we become stronger, we create character within ourselves. To me that is where our true beauty lives. In the fires that have forged us, the mosaic created from the broken pieces of the pottery of ourselves, in every obstacle we’ve overcome, and every fear we’ve conquered. It’s easy to be sweet and nice when life has been simple and you haven’t had many challenges to face. When you have battled life, fought to survive (whether physical, mental or emotional battles) and you choose to trust, choose to love, to live, to keep moving forward… That is where it’s real. You might ache with the weight you carry and struggle to keep moving, but you do it. You choose to move that weight off, to turn it into useful fuel to propel you into a life you create. To dream , to grow, to love more openly and fully. That my friends is the real beauty. Physical beauty and strength fade. What is deep within us, that’s the important stuff.

Here’s to a year filled with growth, with moving forward, honoring the past and fully living in the now while dreaming of and creating the future that I believe can be.

Friends, if you’re carrying some invisible weight, I hope you find the courage to begin to release it.To free yourself to live the best life that you can in the now. It most likely won’t be quick or easy (I know it’s not for me), but I truly believe it’s possible and worth the struggle.

Much love!

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