Beneath the Surface

In the past several weeks I have been studying research on accepting our imperfections and on looking deep within ourselves to acknowledge them and then to have the willingness to let others see that.

That takes looking into some dark places and a it means facing hard truths about ourselves. For instance, when I looked deep into my soul and realized that I felt unworthy of the love that I so deeply wanted. Because I felt unworthy I didn’t express to others that I wanted it. Instead I hoped someone would see below the surface and figure it out. That is not fair… to expect another person to see below the mask we show the world and know what our soul is craving.

By digging in deep and confronting these dark areas I have accepted that I am worthy. That is empowering! We all battle with our imperfections and hurts that try to make us feel we are not worthy, yet we are so worthy.

The reading I have been doing encourages sharing these thoughts that so often we hide. Because if we don’t share them, if we keep them hidden they grow. By becoming vulnerable and letting another trusted person see the hurt and shame within us it helps heal it and often helps others heal as well.

Friends, it does help to share it, but fuck is it scary to do so. To peel back layers of ourselves and acknowledge what is buried within. Especially when you dig deep and have to admit that you are often your own worst enemy.

One of my dearest girlfriends has been instrumental in wading through this mess. She is on a similar path and we lift each other up as we battle our inner demons so that we can live a better life and not repeat the patterns of our past.

I have always wanted to be the person who does not need anyone, but in this journey to become fully open and authentic I have realized that I do need people. We need people to love and support us in our best and worst moments. People who are honest yet gentle when we struggle and who rejoice in the moments that we do well. We also need to offer that to the people in our lives. It’s a lonely place when you don’t have that and it is a dark place. Yes, we can make it without other people, but this life is so much better with others.

To everyone who has loved me through the tumultuous soul growth, I love you more than words express.

Much love and gratitude.

 

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