In recent months I have been doing some work to bring some internal walls down. Walls that may have served me well over time, but no longer have benefit in my life. For years I kept them up as self preservation. At times they were necessary to keep me emotionally safe. However, when the walls are up it means that the people who love you have to climb them or break them to get to you. Over the years I have had a few amazing people in my life who have done that. Who refused to the walls get in the way of loving me and I LOVE these people all the more because of that.
In the past few years those walls have broken and started to crumble a little. There a few special people who have been instrumental in that and they know who they are. What I have been finding is that the more that I feel safe to be me, to not keep people out… the more vulnerable I become… the more that I feel EVERYTHING!
As a kid I barely cried Ever. About anything. My mom has confirmed this. As an adult I have been that way too. It takes a lot to bring the tears.
Lately though, they come easier. At the sad times yes, but more so at the times that I feel loved and cared for. It’s such a beautiful thing and it just overwhelms me a little by moments. For so long I did everything I could to be the girl that didn’t let anyone help, that stayed strong and independent. There are a few people who have taught me that being strong doesn’t mean you don’t let people in. True strength is letting people see all of you. These people are blessings in my life.
So, excuse me as I get a little teary… I am enjoying this new and unusual situation of finding joy and peace in the vulnerability. Oh, and realizing how much stronger we love when we let the walls down. Then we can love others better and they can actually love us without going through the obstacle course.