Sometimes I get asked about the years I have chosen to remain single, it’s hard for many to understand. Recently I have been spending time with someone who I like a LOT! Not a lot, A WHOLE LOT! It got me thinking about why it took so long for me to share my time and life with another person outside of my really awesome standard friendships (i.e. people I do not want to spend time kissing).
This won’t even explain it well, but I think it might help explain those of us who choose being single over being involved in a world where we are bombarded with the need to be with another person.
Here goes… good luck…
After my divorce I dated and I dated some really great guys and some guys who were not so great. With each of them something was missing. The great guys were nice and funny and we ended up being friends, but nothing more. We might have had intense physical chemistry or a few common interests, but we did not have this deep soul connection and friends, I MUST HAVE deep soul connection. It is a necessity. I cannot be with someone and keep it on surface level.
I am a mess, a chaotic and calm mess. My soul ranges from dark and haunted to bright and joyful. There is no taming that. The only type of man I can be with is someone who understands those depths and heights. It’s like a surreal oceanside mountain filled town in my soul and not everyone can handle that.
Basically, I decided that if someone was nice, but I did not want to share the adventures with them, if I did not want to call them at odd hours of the day or night just because I wanted to hear them answer the phone, if they didn’t make my soul feel completely alive… then it was better to be single.
Because I want the fucking fairy tale. Not the prince riding up to save me fairy tale. I want the laughter that makes it hard to breathe, the eyes that watch you like you are living stardust in a matte black sky, the person who is willing to peel back a few of your layers to see what hides below, who makes you believe that you are capable of anything and lets you know that they have your back, the one who enjoys the same things and wants to explore life with you just because being together and staring at grass is better than being apart. Oh, and when they kiss you it is impossible to think of anything besides the magical moment you are in. Best of all, the ones who remind you of your worth when you cannot remember it.
For all of you who are single by choice because you refuse to settle for normal when you know you are worth so much more, stay strong. Live that strength and enjoy all the moments of turning yourself into a work of art.