When I was fresh out of my divorce I started researching the polyamorous lifestyle. Somewhere inside my brain I question monogamy. It works well for some people, but I still question it. My reasons are simple, we all grow and change throughout our lifetime. Sometimes we don’t grow in the same way that the person we are with does. This happens in all relationships. Friendships, romance, family…
In reading about poly relationships I found one thing that struck me harder than anything I have read about relationships. A person made a reference to how we often expect our spouse to be our everything and how much pressure that is for another person. They said that having different relationships (including just normal friendships with a variety of people) was healthier to them because they have different influences. That got me thinking because from childhood we all have our “best friend”, but as I have gotten older I have found that I have a variety of close friends. Some are closer than others, but I can no longer claim to have one that is closer than the others. The human instinct in me has a hard time with that sometimes. When everyone else talks about their #bff I am thinking of 4 or 5 people who I am close with. They’re all incredibly special and an important part of my life. I couldn’t rank one above the other. They each hold a spot in my soul and I cannot imagine life without them.
The thing about this is that the friend who I can be vulnerable and emotional with is differentfrom the friend who I go on wonderful adventures with who is different from the person I call when I am at my most broken or elated who is different from that friend that I share random and ridiculous moments with. Each one brings a different facet to my life. To expect all of it to come from one person would be crazy. Everyone has their own unique personality and because of that it makes each friendship unique too.
Even though I studied the poly lifestyle I determined it wasn’t for me. What I took away from it was that it is healthy to have a well rounded and different circle of friends and relationships. If I was dating I would still want to call that one friend at certain moments because that friend has been there for so long and knows my brain inside and out. I would still want to sit on my one friend’s couch and not censor my thoughts while we enjoy introvert time. I would still want to take mornings to drink coffee with my other friend while we catch up and open up about life. I would still want to do road trip adventures with my other friend because I will always love experiencing new places with her. I would still value that long distance sisterhood with a woman who I’ve grown from the wild and wonderful era of being twentysomething with.
Through my divorce I learned in a vivid way that friendships can be the things that glue you together when you feel as though you will fall apart and they can also be what brings complete joy when life’s more beautiful moments are shared.
The perspective of different people and different personalities creates a full life. It’s beautiful and
I treasure the variety that each relationship brings.