The urge to try for perfection. For years this was a struggle for me. Pushing myself to make everyone happy and to be as perfect as possible. I hate disappointing people. Somewhere deep inside my soul I felt like if I was perfect then I wouldn’t disappoint anyone. What an exhausting way to live. It’s not possible to always be perfect.
Quite some time ago a boss told me that being perfect wasn’t healthy and you need to mess up sometimes to learn. His words stuck in my head. Suddenly I started to see that it wasn’t bad to make mistakes and that anyone who truly cared about me would understand that I’m not perfect. What’s hard is not beating myself up over it.
Years have gone by and believe me it’s still a struggle some days. That’s where painting comes in. I’ve always loved to paint, but hadn’t really done it in years. My soul just wasn’t there. A few years back I went to one of the wine and paint places, then I went again, and then I just bought my own paints.
As I started painting I realized even more that I needed to let go of this perfect thing. Trying to make each painting perfect was killing my creativity. The moment I let go of that and just let the painting flow it all started working. There are paintings that don’t come out at all and the great thing is that I can let them dry and paint something new.
Painting is similar to life. When something in life doesn’t quite work right there’s a new day waiting to start again.
My life isn’t perfect. It’s a little messy, but it’s mostly peaceful. Ten years ago I couldn’t say that. Life wasn’t working. It was a disaster. The beauty is that I took a canvas that looked like hell and turned it into a constantly evolving painting of whatever I find beautiful at the moment.
When your life seems like a messed up canvas, remember that you can slap some paint on the canvas and create a new work of art.